My dad’s talking about divorce.
Not something new to me to hear about in my family..
Just this time it sounds like it’s going to play out.
I’m honestly scared. Every fiber of my being is screaming in pain. I want it to stop.
Hearing my dad talk about evicting my mom, about living with my sister, about how the animals I grew up with (might) be given away. How he might move out of the house. The house I grew up in. The house he stubbornly told me he’d never leave.
What scares me the most is the thought of my mother calling me.
“Ashley! Your father is leaving me!” “Your father is doing…” “Ashley I don’t know what to do! Where will I go!?” “Were will I go?”
I love my mother despite all the mental, verbal, and physical abuse.
I can’t be like “WELL MUM IT SUCKS TO BE YOU SO SORRY YOU SHOULDN’T OF HURT EVERYONE!”
I ..I just don’t know..Andrew sees it tearing me up all the time. Sees me crying on the phone with my father. He does things for me to just get me to smile. It means the world to me..
But for some reason I feel like nobody understands my situation.
I mean a bunch of my friends/past friends have parents that are divorced.
Andrew went through all the shit with his father when he was small.
Ber’ with her father.
Maupin with her father.
But my issues are with my mother. The women that brought me into this world. The one that wanted a daughter SO bad.
She did so much for me. Got so many things and opportunities for me. Pushed for things I wanted.
So much different then everyones ” Well my dad was a total asshole who I could give a fuckless about.”
Andrew tells me he’s going to get me through this, that he’s been through it. How? I don’t under stand how you can..you were so young…and luckily got out young.
I’ve been living in it since I left hom-no I still fucking deal with it.
Granted I’m not trying to make this a contest of “WELL I’M GOING THROUGH SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH MORE THEN YOU!”
I hate these emotions.
And wtf is with Pandora playing all the emotional songs..
I have to be strong for my father….I have to smile and not show how this is really hurting me.
Just like how I did growing up. :D
In other words the Taco Cabana out here in El Paso is perdy yummy.